i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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