This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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