I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
