Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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