moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
handjob tips. give me some.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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