I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
