I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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