also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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