they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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