I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
