Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
