Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
