when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
