I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
