The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
