I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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