I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
