Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
