I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
