in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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