Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
