I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
