it's like her boobs came off with her bra
where are you?
Hypothermia
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just high enough for therapy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
