he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want a musical about memes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
