i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
