I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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