just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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