And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
