didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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