We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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