Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
