After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
