I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
