I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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