I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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