your thong is hanging out like whoa
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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