lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
