You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
