Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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