I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
