I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just gargled with NyQuil
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
