The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
