watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
