then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
