I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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