Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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