i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
