all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
