Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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