oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
